I Don’t Understand Why You’re Single

I have never used my blog as a platform for a rant but today, I must (and it’s my blog so I can write whatever the hell I like).

“I don’t understand why you’re single, you’re a good looking successful girl” 

Read that again.

Firstly, let’s address how superficial and down right mean that comment is, not to mention how utterly stupid and misinformed you sound. So I’m good looking, right…therefore I must be in a relationship? and what do you say to people that you consider not good looking? “Yeah I understand why you’re single because you’re so ugly and all” and what about if I were less successful? “Oh that makes sense for not being in a relationship, because you’re a failure.”

Secondly, you’re insinuating that there must be something wrong with people when they’re single. You’re an ignoramus. I sometimes wonder how you got a girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband to put up with you and your teeny tiny fixed mindset.

And finally, my favourite would be “Don’t worry, you’ll find him” – the generalisation that floods my world nowadays is that being single is terrible and that the ultimate goal in life is to be in a relationship and meet ‘the one’ (Disney brainwashed much?) Bull. And the sooner you evolve past your archaic mentality the better for both of us. Just a reminder, this is 2017 – we are at the peak of equality, freedom of choice, empowerment, fertility indifferences, and female sexual autonomy…so please keep up.

I am single because I choose to be single, not because no-one chose me.

The amount of times I’ve been verbally attacked by people bewildered that I am single and that I don’t want to follow (like a sheep) the protocol – I know it scares you, a woman you don’t understand, so here is some insight into my mind – I have one life and I’m going to choose to live it the way I see fit, not the way I’ve been told to live it by society, history, traditions or bullying. I have been questioned relentlessly, misunderstood, patronised and the most hurtful…isolated and excluded from social gatherings because I am single. This is not acceptable behaviour.

So before you assume someone is unhappy being single, ask them. I can guarantee the answer will be “hell yes!”…followed by a “high five sister!” and a champagne cork popping in the background.

Everyday I decide to be single, in a tinder fairytale…I could be in a relationship with someone, anyone, human, goat or tree, anytime, tomorrow, but my life choice right now is to be single – and my quality of life feels no different because of this. But I do wonder why it bothers you so much?

I put to you, if society has stigmatised single people to be unhappy, then to be happy you must be married? How many married people do you know that are happy? See, the point is mute as it is irrelevant. Marital status does not determine happiness or success.

To the people that judge me to my face or often behind my back because I am a woman that intimidates you with my forward thinking, confuses you and leaves you feeling uneasy because you don’t understand how I live my life with such freedom – I am a woman that doesn’t need a relationship to feel fulfilled, that doesn’t want to get married because it has no value to her, and I am a woman that is bossing life successfully and actually enjoys being single **shock horror!

So let me make this perfectly clear for your societal conformed and robotic little brains to comprehend – I am happy in my life and yes I am single, they do go together.

With Love and Lust,

Penny

(Aka Samantha Jones spirit animal)

Disclaimer: I few things may pop up in your feels from this blog. Lets clear them up before any keyboard warriors get trigger happy.

1) I love marriage. I think it’s beautiful. It can be done well, and successfully – so this is not a blog discrediting being in a relationship and/or being married, I’m simply saying – its not for me and people shouldn’t push their beliefs on others.

2) These are my feels, not yours. You don’t even need to get it, just nod and look away.

3) I hope that from this blog people who apply stigma and generalise their single friends can now see a different point of view.

You Failed This Year? Awesome! – My Tips On How To End A Shit Year.

So I usually write up a happy, happy, fluffy, fluffy goal setting blog around this time of year for my followers. Riddled with goal crushing tips and tricks and a patronising undertone of how to be the best version of you, because this is your year, remember? (Side note, every year is your year – high five sista!)

 

But there seems to be some serious social hate surrounding poor 2016 that everyone seems to be getting on board with, so I figured a self righteous blog about writing S.M.A.R.T goals isn’t going to resonate with you. When sometimes the ugly truth is that we try a little better and yet another year drags by with us still no further along, and we start off the refreshed year with deep remorse for our decisions.

 

Lets touch firstly on all the articles, blogs and memes you’ve seen floating around the last few days. You know the ones, about 2016 taking all of legendary celebrities lives, or that 2016 can go to hell, or that it’s been a trying year for all. And if read the deeper articles there is some spooky stuff going on with numerology and chakras blah blah blah, and that’s cool too and probably has some decent backbone to it.

 

But what I want to talk to you about is how low we are all feeling. Yep, it’s real. You haven’t been imagining it; its there and we are all crawling to the start of 2017 on our knees with hope in our eyes that this unlucky year will leave us be.

 

Next, lets do some vulnerability check-ins shall we? Cause I love that shit and you guys love my real, awkward and no bull approach.

 

Here we go:

 

I have failed at some major things this year.

 

There I said it.

 

I have failed so hard and fast at some adult stuff this year, that I hit my head on the way down. I failed the deepest and darkest and hardest, so you could say I failed spectacularly, I probably failed the best, hang on, so I’m really the winner at failing?

 

Failing is so cool. I love failing, mainly because, if you know me through my blog or even personally, I am a story teller – through words in any way. I love a good dramatic and slightly fabricated story to make people feel lighter and the odd laugh at misfortune – because no one likes a story of brilliance and success all the time……boring, we like hardship and comedy combined. So every time I fail, I say to myself, that’s gunna be a great story. It also makes you more resilient for the mammoth future failures to come – yep spoiler alert, life is hard and you’re going to fail a lot.

 

 

On the flip side, this year has been phenomenal for me in areas I never expected.  Really exciting areas of my life and my personality have blossomed and I’ve learnt so much about myself as a person. So, granted 2016 in my best description, has “just been weird” but I am ending 2016 with clarity of who I am and what makes me happy, with a slight understanding of my place in the world around me and a decent approach of where I’m heading – not a down right comprehension of it all, but close enough, and that my friends, is all I need to transition into 2017.

 

So many people this time of year do a ‘close off’, they sweep the last year under the carpet and welcome in the next year, set some new goals and right off the year.  But what I would like you to do is to totally honor what you have failed at. Yes it has been a shit year, for some more than others. But I suggest you put your big girls pants on and reflect on what you’ve learnt, openly tell people “I failed this year, and I’m so ok with that”, and remember that no bad year is a waste – it is merely a layby year to the big, momentous years that shine through.

 

I said I wouldn’t do it – but here are my goal crushing tips for 2017:

  1. Fail a little harder, because it’ll make you even more awesome, and funny and interesting as a person.
  2. Do something that you haven’t done before. This could be eating a vegetable that you’ve never eaten before or trekking the Himalayas, your choice.
  3. Drink more water and get more sleep, because we all need that.
  4. Get your chakra sorted sweetheart.

 

So yes, due to numbers and the moon and chakras, we have all had a really trying, exhausting and stressful year.  So what. We’re all adults, doing our best, with what we’ve got, and failing along the way.

 

So hands in the air if you failed this year? Awesome! I am so very proud of you. Tell me all about it! Please send me an email and share your failure and see if you can make me laugh.

 

Pen xxx

Are You Living A Free Life?

My tribe, I’ve been off the grid. I’ve been living and not writing, unable to offer any creative blogs to inspire and educate. Every time I opened my laptop I froze, it wasn’t time.

The last few months, I have been in a no-mans land of soul searching. Resisting adulting. Letting go of all responsibilities. If I didn’t have anyone telling me what to do, I could stand independently alone right? Like the single, independent lady I am (cue a ‘speak to hand’ gesture and Beyoncé’s all the single ladies, all the single ladies la la lah).

 

I’ve been on my journey, getting in touch with my inner child and discovering who I am to the core and where I’m going. No hippy weirdo stuff, I hate that crap. I haven’t been sitting on a beach, wearing Lululemon, realigning my chakra, proclaiming #findingmyself. I’ve just been tuning out and living life to the beat of my own drum. Which ironically enough, you don’t need to do loudly. You can stealthy, quietly and without being that annoying friend, do it hushed. You can just plod along and work your shit out.

 

During this period of a few months, something dreadful happened (dreadfully amazing!) I turned 30 years young. Enter a life crisis and me furiously clinging onto my youth. When I am needed more than ever to have my shit together, correlated, immaculately and methodically together, for conformity’s sake. I did not. The opposite was truer. My shit was not together. So I threw a tantrum and loudly told all of my friends how my shit was not organized and I was sick of being an adult.

 

So now I’ve painted this picture, with all of this being said, I want to enlighten you; oh how I hate that word, could I be any more patronizing? No, I want to share with you what I learnt recently by taking a break from adulting, and you can chose whether to gain some perspective or maybe it just isn’t relative to you right now (save this in your email folder for when you need me to patronize you at a later date).

 

I’ve been torn between conformity and recklessness.

 

Turns out that there is this sweet spot in-between the two, and it’s called balance. Yes the B word. I know, I know, it’s like a unicorn. Does it really exist? No one has ever seen it or felt it, but we know it exists, it must do. To give us hope that this hamster wheel we are on has a destination. People throw the word around, like they’ve found it, I don’t believe them, they are still struggling, I can see it in their eyes.

 

We are stuck in the loop of trying to do our best, failing (maybe occasionally succeeding) and then trying again, the same way, but still hoping for different results. We are stuck doing what people tell us to do. We are stuck in rules and methods and conformity. We must do what is considered normal.

 

We can distance ourselves from more adults, our parents, our mentors, our coaches; we can say we don’t need help. Then we stand alone sucking our thumbs “Help me!” Sometimes we just need a little guidance, and that’s A.O.K girl.

 

What if I told you that there is a different way to do life, its not the usual way, I’ve found it recently, and its called…….

 

“What ever the hell you want”

 

……and guess what? It makes you happy. Like seriously happy.

 

There is this magic place of doing what ever the hell you want and also following the rules and being accountable to someone.

 

Now I can try and put a health and fitness spin on this, because that’s my job. But if you are following my blog purely for boring health and fitness tips, you are following the wrong gal. I open the door to my trials and tribulations to show you that life is freaking real and I am real and every single thing in your life has a mirror image to something else. So working on a whole, helps you in becoming a well-rounded, happy, healthy individual. So in every area of your life; health, fitness, business, school, family, relationships, sex, vocabulary, life goals, social life, DO WHATEVER MAKES YOU HAPPY. If that means going for a run on a Wednesday and drinking a green smoothie, and then dancing until 3am and drinking cocktails on a Saturday. Do it. There are no rules but the confinements you place on yourself.

 

Live Your Life The Way YOU Want To!

 

If you are totes vibing this, and you are feeling a little lost with your journey. I want to hear from you my gorgeous wannabe free spirited, empowered, curious woman. Just hit ‘reply’ to this email, say Hello and share your story.

 

Next week, I am sharing some more life lessons on finding that elusive BALANCE……..well I might be, depends if I am too wild and free, realigning my chakra and eating kale that week.

 

Over and out

Guru Penny.

 

Get Out of Your Own Head!

That’s right. Get out of your own head!

No messing around this week. Let’s get straight into it.

Why are you being so resistant?

Last week we were stuck in a rut and not sure how to progress, procrastinating and even worse, tempted to not even start your health and fitness journey due to sheer New Year blues.

I know how you feel.

Stuck up all in your thoughts.

Doing your head in, I’ve been there.

This week I want to draw on my own personal experience of how I’ve got my act together to get into the best shape of my life, which is currently also happening NOW, at this very moment as I prep for a photo-shoot, I’ve had to recently tap into my own flaws in order to move forward.

Whenever I’ve had a deadline looming for a photo-shoot with Oxygen Magazine or a project, a beach holiday or a competition, there has been this grey area, this sketchy phase where I am doing my head in, I’m all about excuses, I’m resisting pulling my finger out and coming up with as many barriers as I can before I start the journey.

The amount of times I’ve had a little argument in my head.

  • “Start the diet on Monday”
  • “Book in with so and so next month, when I’ve lost some of the initial weight”.
  • “Yeah but, I can’t afford it”
  • “I’m enjoying my single life/new relationship, and I want to drink wine, life is for living!” (This is my most recent blockage!)
  • “It’s too hard” wahhhhh
  • “Do I really WANT to do the photo-shoot/comp/beach holiday body?” The answer is always yes otherwise it wouldn’t even be an option.
  • “I’m scared of failure”
  • “I don’t know what to do!”
  • “Yeah but, but, but …”

RESISTANCE!

The number one blockage we have, I have had, is resistance. I have clung onto it like it’s a safety net. Because being safe and repeating the dialogue in our heads is far easier than actually doing the work. In the past I have resisted, and resisted and resisted. And then one day I woke up and I said; stop thinking Penny, just do it. Be numb. Go through the motions. Just do it. Stop thinking, stop resisting.

What did I do to shake it off and get my ass in gear? I GOT OUT OF MY OWN HEAD. Get over yourself Penny. I got out of thinking why I can’t do it, why I don’t want to do it, why I doubt myself. Do you know what I’m doing when I OVERTHINK things? I am wasting time!

STOP THINKING AND JUST DO!

Many blockages are mental. We create them ourselves in our head. We then feed them and let them grow by overthinking. We dig our heels in and throw a little tantrum. We resist moving forward.

I’m not saying that I don’t do that anymore, heck, just last week I did it. I was clinging onto my social life of vino and deliciousness, relishing in my carefree summer mode. When everyone was asking me how the photo-shoot prep was going … cue awkward guilty silence. Imagine being caught with your hands in the cookie jar!

So I’m here to tell you that being in your own head with resistance is A-Okay. We all do it. I do it. I get ya.

New Year Blues

So I’m struggling this week. Actually I’m struggling this month!

For me last year was extreme. I launched my book, I had ups and downs, engagements and then broken engagements, I had wisdom teeth removal and some major a-ha moments in my life. So let’s just say I had a hectic end to 2015. I feel like I am still recovering. So I wonder why I am still wallowing in relaxation, procrastination, unmotivated territory? It’s summer, I’ve worked hard, I deserve my vino and a lax schedule, don’t I? 

I know exactly what it is. I have the ‘New Year Blues’!

And I’m sensing you might be with me?

The blues come on strong, hard and fast and no one can hide from the dreaded New Year anticlimax. We are tired, we are financially, mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted and we are struggling to get ourselves back on track. I hear ya sister!

Tell me, have you been hit with the New Year, New You bull? How exhausting is it! We are trying to be the best we can be already, enough with the pressure of being a new version of ourselves, new and improved, more like new and lacking our usual va va voom. It’s another year and yes we are standing on the cusp of reinvention, of a bigger and brighter you for 2016, your finest year yet I hear you say. So why can’t we just quite kick our asses into gear?

You know what I mean don’t you? You just can’t quite find your mojo? You’ve lost your determination, your action goddess and your drive? It’s gone walkabout somewhere during November 2015.

Maybe we are in limbo, we are sitting ducks, deciding who we want to be, what we want to do and where we want to go. And the annoying thing is, I’m not quite there yet.  I am still resisting getting my shit in order.

Or maybe it’s something else. Maybe you don’t quite know how to get there. You know the person you want to be in 2016 but the work that needs to be put in feels daunting, confusing and the thought is exhausting enough. The saying ‘A year from now you’ll wish you started today!” Yeah but can’t I start next month? It’s all too hard. (Insert Penny throwing a New Year tantrum!)

I recently, only a couple of weeks ago, decided to do a photo-shoot with my good friend Justine Switalla, another Oxygen Cover-girl. We are planning to shoot together to A) have a goal to work towards and B) celebrate our fitness friendship.  There I was hoping to wallow in my self-indulgent wine ‘o’clock for a little longer. It may just be the kick up the butt I need.

If you’d like to follow my progress I’ll be posting updates and tips regularly on my Facebook and Instagram pages.

Next week I’m going to be chatting to you about “Resistance”. So today I’ve let you know the ‘what’ … and what you are doing is refusing. Refusing to start that journey because you’re suffering from the New Year Blues.

Next week I’m going to share with you the WHY, “Why you are being resistant”.

Tune in next week, It’s going to be juicy stuff!